“IT WAS NEVER JUST THE FIGHT”

PRATIMA SHARMA

The most beautiful feeling we hold is of love, that makes us feel more joyous, aligned, and safe, that sparkles with a glow on our face. A partner who is present in every aspect of different perspectives, yet firmly holding each other to build a meaningful life together.

But not every story is of happiness, sometimes a relationship, especially marriage, loses its spark with consistent conflicts, suspicions, blames, suppression, and suffering. And that one single giant argument isn't the root cause, it's the patterns, the little quarrels, the things that were told that had hurt each other left unresolved, a partner coming home late, being out with friends most of the time and investing in alcohol intake regularly, the withdrawal from conversations, all of this piles up, and it's just the surface. Do we ever actually sit and try to understand what is happening?

In a marital relationship, it's time to understand that at times a person who stays away is not avoiding the relationship but struggling with it equally. We all crave meaning in life, and when there's a lack of emotional connection in a romantic relationship, we might experience loneliness, even when life appears socially active and stable. That's also one of the reasons for a person feeling lonely even though he/she knows so many people.

The environment at home becomes unhealthy, affecting both the partners when conversations are never done properly, even when things are to be said, when there's a lack of knowing how to express things, the way of coping turns out to be distance, not out of love, but to protect the bond.

On the other side, male and female hold a vast difference in understanding love and expressing care. When needs of feeling seen, wanted, and connected are unmet, it emerges as irritation, repeated attempts to talk to a partner who comes home late, while one is waiting to express her feelings the entire day, and while one just doesn't understand what's going on, this is a longing to feel emotionally close, while it may be perceived as complaint and negativity for the other.

The reason a situation gets tough is not because there is no love anymore in a relationship, but the difference in how it is expressed. One may look for peace and silence after a long day, while the other may look for conversation and connection.

Both are valid needs, but when they aren't understood, they begin to clash. The same space that should bring comfort starts to feel exhausting for both.

And then the cycle repeats with a pattern that has found its way. The more one withdraws, the more the other reaches out. The more one pushes for connection, the more the other pulls away. In this cycle, both partners begin to feel misunderstood. The distance increases, not because love is absent, but because it is not being received in the way it is needed.

We hold differences as humans, and our love language might be different as well. People do not always express love in the same way they expect to receive it. For some, love is shown through presence and conversation; for others, it may be through providing, being physically present, or simply wanting a peaceful environment. When these differences are not recognised, both partners may feel unappreciated despite their efforts.

This is when, instead of only reacting to what is visible, there is a need to understand what is being felt underneath.

Sometimes, relationships do not struggle because people do not care, but because they do not feel understood. Sitting with emotions, in such moments, means noticing not just our own needs, but also the unspoken needs of the person next to us. Because often, behind distance, irritation, or silence, there is still a heart wanting to be seen and to belong.