Sunday, Aug 27, 2023 07:45 [IST]
Last Update: Sunday, Aug 27, 2023 02:11 [IST]
Why do you feel the need for constantly justifying your actions?
Abha Agarwal. Counselling Psychologist
MENTAL
HEALTH
While there may be some
truth to the idea that we don’t owe anyone an explanation, there are still
plenty of situations when doing so is seems correct. This could be a result of your
own self-doubt and desire for people to like you, or out of fear and guilt.
Let’s see why it happens:
1.
We’re trying to ease our own feeling
of guilt: When we feel guilty
about our decision, we often turn to explanations. Many of us believe, whether
we realize it or not, that other people’s wants, needs, and feelings are more
important than our own. We believe saying no or declining an invitation is
selfish or rude. We think that in order to be kind and likable we have to be unfailingly
agreeable and accommodating.
2.
We’re insecure
about our own choices and want the other person to validate our decision: If we are unsure about our decision, we often look
to others for reassurance. We over-explain in the hope that the other person
will understand from our point of view. It is more about needing validation
from others about our own choices.
3.
We
are going through a difficult phase in our life and we don’t know how to
navigate through it: We are confused and look for help by not only explaining
but over explaining our situations in the hope we get some kind of help.
4.
We want to foster a
closer, more open connection with the other person: Sometimes we over explain
because we want to add value to our relationship and see it as a sign of respect and a chance for the other person
to get to know us better.
Ask yourself, “Why do I need to
justify my actions to people around me?” “Why I always do it?” Is it because
you are feeling low, not feeling good about yourself or in search of genuinely
finding a good connection with people or you are trying to please them by over explaining
yourself.
It’s good to do so sometimes,
such as when declining an invitation from a closed one or not being able to
commit to a cause because of work commitments, but if it has become a part of
your behavior, then you need to think about your values and attitude in
general.
( Abha Agarwal is a Psychologist at Neotia Mediplus OPD
& Diagnostic clinic, Siliguri, with over 14
years of experience. She deals with issues related to anxiety, stress,
relationship issues, parent-child-family relationship, behavioural concerns in
children/teens. Contact: 9733217536. Tele & online consultation
available)
