WHO TOLD YOU THIS WAS LOVE?

PRATIMA SHARMA

Along the way of simply experiencing the reality of life and working closely with the human heart, I have found myself in a place where I hear similar stories of women entering marriage at a very young age expressing how unaware they were, of their own needs, being emotionally vulnerable and misidentifying non-compatibility as love. They describe making that decision at a time when they were still trying to understand themselves. They speak of emotional vulnerability, confusion, and mistaking emotional dependence for love.

Among all these, what breaks my heart is, I hear, "I married him because he threatened that he would kill himself.""I had to marry.""I had no one but him, so I left everything and ran away, leaving behind all my dreams.""I was immature. I didn't know what was right or wrong. I simply followed what he said." These are not isolated stories. They are different lives who share the same emotional experience.

I often wonder, what do we mistake for love? What makes emotional dependence feel like commitment? What makes a threat of suicide feel like love? And what emotional need is fulfilled when attention begins to feel like love? What unsettles me is how often they believed that being needed was the same as being loved. Are we too lost in the daily hustle bustle, that we no longer understand how we feel in someone's presence is more important? Our safety and emotional independence need space rather than constant suspiciousness, low self-esteem, and simply surrendering our precious lives for the sake of a bond where love is actually absent.

It is for us to understand, that when we have not yet built a secure sense of self, being wanted can feel more powerful than being understood. Intensity can be mistaken for intimacy. Constant attention can feel like care. A relationship may appear promising even when it gradually takes away our freedom to grow. And this leaves me asking a bigger question, whose duty is it to help the younger generation understand intensity, and simply love? The difference between being chosen and being valued? Between infatuation and commitment?

Is everything so accessible today, that everything is taken for granted? I would want to understand why an individual pursues another person when he or she isn't ready for commitment? Has lust begun to overshadow genuineness in the way we form relationships? Why do so many relationships begin before two people truly know themselves?

Today, all I want you to understand is this: it becomes difficult to hold another person's emotional world when we fail to understand our own. A relationship should not compel us to abandon our dreams, our identity, or our emotional stability. Before promising a lifetime to someone else, we owe ourselves the time to understand what love truly feels like and what it does not. Do not choose a path if you are not sure of it. The concept of the right time is real. I don't want you to rush if you are still juggling between building your own identity, dreams, and career. Let's be wise enough and promise ourselves to listen to our inner voice rather than the loud noise of suppressed urges. Let's not be hard on ourselves, just know that beautiful things take time.